3:05 AM
HISSS...CLANK! HISSS...RADIATE...CLANK!
is heat always noise?
14.12.07
13.12.07
Oh, fer tha love...
so. i'm tired as all get out cause that's what happens when earning money.
for most of us, anyway. i'm in no condition to write, cause the late shift eats at parts of your brain like spit deteriorates gum. You know the fun is fading, but inevitably keep chewing until, all of a sudden, there's this gritty globulous gunk stuck to your teeth where your gum used to be. Like everything's holding up fine until it, most certainly, isn't. And then it's too late, you've got mush on the brain and need to crank down the window to let in fresh air and spit it out. Only it's your brain so you're pretty much stuck with the mess 'till you can sleep it off. So off i go. I've got 8 hours to get back to zero... too bad i can't stop watching Bones so make it 7.5 for the half hour i'm enthralled before my lids cave in and my brain collapses ::FWOOSH:: into an exhausted heap. Before that, though, i'll have a chuckle when i think of you kicking the semester's ass nine ways to Sunday. GO GET 'EM, GIRL!
::ENCOURAGING LAUGHTER::
::SIGH::
We are tired for completely different reasons.
::MORE LAUGHTER::
::FWOOSH::
10.12.07
First Last Class
Tonight is the last Educational Diversity class. It gets out early so I can have a beer AND plan my lesson. Just checking in.
9.12.07
Small Break
I am within sight of the end, my friend. I expected this weekend to be a 2-day marathon of self-flagellation. And it has been, but what I expected was that the whipping and self-abuse would be exlusively homework-related. I was wrong.
Friday I was exhausted so I watched Gray's Anatomy and fell asleep on the couch at 8pm. ncd returned home from an evening abroad around 1 and we talked for a bit. Then more sleeping. Saturday morning I awoke bright and early and went for a run/walk around beautiful frozen lake. Just before I left, the feeling that I was out of the loop dawned. There had long been a get-together planned for our house. Others were doing the planning, but ncd had agreed to volunteer our home as the site of festivities (including a Tur-duc-hen). However, time together had been so scant that the most rudimentary conversations took place fragmented over the course of several days. Therefore, I began to realize that the impending festivities made me realize how impossible it had been for me to get myself and my beloved in one room for socializing lately, let alone a flock of unknown callers.
Returned home for extra long shower and had good cry and air-clearing before breakfast. French toast ensued. Afternoon consisted of mix of socializing and homework fakery. Giving up commenced in earnest around 8pm when I called my mom. Thereafter was a meal followed by enjoyable socializing and the feeling that there were people present with whom I had not spoken. Hardly the hostess, I was something else, but enjoyed doing the dishes with clm and chatting with passersby. Played Taboo for quite sometime before the evening wound down with a beer-fueled misunderstanding between the wife of one of ncd's oldest friends and ncd's youngest brother.
By 1 am, ncd's oldest friend, oldest friend's wife, intermediate olaf friend, and I were snickering at porn and watching uma thurman in some movie about baron munchhaussen (sp?). I eventually turned in realizing that today's work would have to be done by someone and that, despite my internal monologue encouraging, "By tomorrow it will be almost over," I was realizing that merely letting the time pass would not, in fact, result in 'it' being anywhere close to over.
Woke this morning feeling peculiar. Mostly house is cleaned up with the exception of furniture and some dishes people left in their wake. Still, feeling of disorder pervades. Can't seem to have the feeling of satisfaction, connectedness, and glowing accomplishment that seems to be some people's experience of these large parties. Feel, instead, un-moored, floating. Will value the reconstructive power of home for the holidays tenfold this year. Instead of becoming less important in hindsight, I find the near past worrying me, even when it was successful (like the impromptu lesson I taught at the high school on friday, for example). Things that were comforting turn wispy and evaporate in the face of impending...something. It certainly isn't the impending deadline exactly. More like, the presence of a deadline. A point after which I am supposed to be able to read something that will comfort me. To be able to do the things that will make me feel better. The point after which doing something to distract myself or forget my worries will not merely be a postponing, but will actually be a solution.
Or maybe the real issue is that I feel powerless to really help anyone but myself (and I'm not actually doing a great job even at nurturing myself).
Well, that was jolly. Things are really quite alright. I am shaving away at the list. Here is evidence of what a splendid fete it was and what a dirty lens my hindsight is:
...okay, I can't get the photos to post, but will do so as soon as I can. Rest assured, though, that it was a lovely winter gathering.
Love you!
Friday I was exhausted so I watched Gray's Anatomy and fell asleep on the couch at 8pm. ncd returned home from an evening abroad around 1 and we talked for a bit. Then more sleeping. Saturday morning I awoke bright and early and went for a run/walk around beautiful frozen lake. Just before I left, the feeling that I was out of the loop dawned. There had long been a get-together planned for our house. Others were doing the planning, but ncd had agreed to volunteer our home as the site of festivities (including a Tur-duc-hen). However, time together had been so scant that the most rudimentary conversations took place fragmented over the course of several days. Therefore, I began to realize that the impending festivities made me realize how impossible it had been for me to get myself and my beloved in one room for socializing lately, let alone a flock of unknown callers.
Returned home for extra long shower and had good cry and air-clearing before breakfast. French toast ensued. Afternoon consisted of mix of socializing and homework fakery. Giving up commenced in earnest around 8pm when I called my mom. Thereafter was a meal followed by enjoyable socializing and the feeling that there were people present with whom I had not spoken. Hardly the hostess, I was something else, but enjoyed doing the dishes with clm and chatting with passersby. Played Taboo for quite sometime before the evening wound down with a beer-fueled misunderstanding between the wife of one of ncd's oldest friends and ncd's youngest brother.
By 1 am, ncd's oldest friend, oldest friend's wife, intermediate olaf friend, and I were snickering at porn and watching uma thurman in some movie about baron munchhaussen (sp?). I eventually turned in realizing that today's work would have to be done by someone and that, despite my internal monologue encouraging, "By tomorrow it will be almost over," I was realizing that merely letting the time pass would not, in fact, result in 'it' being anywhere close to over.
Woke this morning feeling peculiar. Mostly house is cleaned up with the exception of furniture and some dishes people left in their wake. Still, feeling of disorder pervades. Can't seem to have the feeling of satisfaction, connectedness, and glowing accomplishment that seems to be some people's experience of these large parties. Feel, instead, un-moored, floating. Will value the reconstructive power of home for the holidays tenfold this year. Instead of becoming less important in hindsight, I find the near past worrying me, even when it was successful (like the impromptu lesson I taught at the high school on friday, for example). Things that were comforting turn wispy and evaporate in the face of impending...something. It certainly isn't the impending deadline exactly. More like, the presence of a deadline. A point after which I am supposed to be able to read something that will comfort me. To be able to do the things that will make me feel better. The point after which doing something to distract myself or forget my worries will not merely be a postponing, but will actually be a solution.
Or maybe the real issue is that I feel powerless to really help anyone but myself (and I'm not actually doing a great job even at nurturing myself).
Well, that was jolly. Things are really quite alright. I am shaving away at the list. Here is evidence of what a splendid fete it was and what a dirty lens my hindsight is:
...okay, I can't get the photos to post, but will do so as soon as I can. Rest assured, though, that it was a lovely winter gathering.
Love you!
6.12.07
Well, warm colors it is.
Apparently all I am capable of is increasingly weirdo design schemes. Don't be mad.
Well, this looks like crap
The smoothing on my work computer makes me want to say things about the graphic superiority of macs and apologize to anyone for whom the font now looks remarkably like it should be named 'Atari'.
Haven't sent package for first blog challenge yet. Sorry. Spending my evenings trying to escape the inevitable and my mornings panicking. But seriously, only about 2 weeks until it's all really done for real. Then I'll be able to post all of the creative ridiculon that has been blasted from my weary brain.
Haven't sent package for first blog challenge yet. Sorry. Spending my evenings trying to escape the inevitable and my mornings panicking. But seriously, only about 2 weeks until it's all really done for real. Then I'll be able to post all of the creative ridiculon that has been blasted from my weary brain.
2.12.07
Listeners Like You
have a listen at this baby.
is the end of analog radio upon us?
if it is, i'm glad we've got this little record of our history together.
AM/FM.
REPRESENT.
[keep up w/ the flow @
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